Anger And Relationships
Article by Steven Griggs
Anger And Relationships In my capacity as an outpatient psychologist for twenty-five years, I deal with the same eight conditions over and over. One of the most common complaints I hear about is relationships. (The other seven are mood problems, children’s behaviors, ADHD or learning disorders, anxiety, low self-esteem, poor assertiveness and addictions). I deal with anger management problems mostly in as couples are referred through the courts in domestic violence cases, or come in for couples counseling, usually because of poor communication skills or outright fighting. If anger is not THE problem, it is almost always involved in some fashion. I also see it in kids, particularly teenagers. Kids often have impulse control problems, just because they are kids. Older kids have those pesky hormones coursing through their veins (starting a lot earlier than parents realize). Hormones produce physical changes characteristic of puberty, starting at twelve years or so for girls, thirteen years or so for boys. These ages can vary by as much as three years in either direction. But the behavior problems associated with hormone changes start almost immediately after the hormones “cut in.” On average, this is around age 8 ? years for girls and 9 ? years for boys. At these earlier ages, parents report their child’s behavior “changes.” Their formerly nice, sweet little angels, almost overnight, become more “oppositional.” Parents notice their previously easy-to-manage-children suddenly saying “no” and not cooperating with even simple requests, like going to bed on time or turning off the TV. Some parents refer to this as the second “terrible twos” period. During this phase, kids take on a more “challenging” attitude, that if unchecked, will continue to emerge, often nto full-blown anger outbursts. While the “resistance,” or perhaps downright defiance, is predictable and normal at this age, regular anger outbursts are not. Some teenagers show these (sometimes chronic) negative behavior tendencies early on. They arrive in my office with a diagnosis of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). That’s the terrible-twos syndrome on steroids. Almost everything is a challenge, trying parent’s patience and pushing parents to the limits of their endurance. Most of the time, ODD hassome biological basis colluding with a difficult environment. Frequently there is a family history of some form of learning or other disorder (ADD, ADHD, dyslexia, Asperger’s Syndrome, childhood bipolar, etc.). Frequently there are divorces in the family history and/or domestic violence. Whenever a child of any age exudes such problem behaviors, there is disruption in relationships, whether it is with siblings, peers or parents. There is usually a deficit in social skills, coupled with some impairment in impulse control. Especially when ADHD is involved, there is damage done to the child’s self-esteem, causing more, often chronic anger. Children compensate by acting out their feelings, particularly anger. Often this occurs to their own detriment. For example, bullying “compensates” loss of control, personal power or low academic or social status, but if indulged in too often lands the child in the vice principal’s office, or worse. These are the classic beginnings of anger management problems. -Dr. Griggs http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page17.html
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